Father. The family’s strong wall and foundation. The provider. The protector. The refuge when mother tries to beat you with a spanking rod because of some faults. Someone to lean on. Someone that would carry you when you get tired of walking. One that becomes your horse if you want to play around and have fun. Someone that tickles you before going to bed. The one that kisses you before you go to sleep. Your spoiler. And above all, your ultimate lover since the day you were born. That is a father. These facts are so sweet to think but sad to say these are the experiences of others not mine at all. Oftentimes, I would say, “blessed are those who grow up with a father.” I feel so jealous because they have everything that life could offer. For me, having a father beside me is more than anything in this world. Since the day of my consciousness, I know inside my thought that I am an illegitimate child. I am a “batang walang ama.” I have a lot of questions in my mind. What is it to have a father? How does it feel to be loved by him? And how does it feel to dance with my father?

My curiosity to experience these things pushes me to look for my biological father. Though my mother has been telling me invented stories about him, it made me more desperate to find him. Being an illegitimate child is not easy. It never was. I’ve been through a lot of experiences that I never thought I would be able to bear. But despite all those experiences, there’s one thing I am so grateful of and that is having Christ in my life. He filled my emptiness inside and he has been a great father to me. God is so good to me and I know that someday he will grant answers to all my questions and curiosity.


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